10 Downing Street has issued a statement on the credit crises from Prime Minister Gordon Brown. In it they claim the current financial crisis occurred not on his watch, but while he was being impersonated by an identity thief.
The communiqué assures the British public that the real Gordon Brown has now returned to his post and the apparent economic gloom will be ended immediately.
The Prime Minister has told TheSpoof.com that reports of his promise of no more boom and bust were misinterpreted.
"What I meant", he insisted, "is that there will be either boom or bust. Not both."
"It is illogical to think there can be both boom and bust occurring simultaneously. There has to be one or the other and what you now have is the bust."
Brown also dismisses any blame on his Labour administration for the current financial turmoil. He said it was entirely reasonable for them to expect the economy to rise exponentially forever and it would have done so if the American's had not given free mortgages for the first 7 days to the penniless in exchange for 30% kickers on day 8 and then sold the debt to European dimwits.
He told us that anyone who thinks they have been made redundant are only dreaming and they should turn up for work as usual on Monday.
The Prime Minister's words will come as a great comfort to the many people who wrongly blamed his Government for failing to regulate the financial institutions and spending our money like a chav lottery winner without keeping anything back for a rainy day.
He has promised that the Government's shares in the big banks will all be put on sale tomorrow and he has arranged for the disposal to be handled by the Oxford Street discount store Primark.
Following our interview the Prime Minister was collected by two men in white coats and returned by ambulance to his cell at the Upton Green Hospital for the Criminally Insane.