Written by General Payne
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Topics: Racism, Shopping

Sunday, 25 January 2009

image for Woman charged with racism in letter box row
It ain't for sale!

A 68 year old Kent woman was arrested and charged with racism yesterday when the owner of a second hand junk shop called Police after she refused to believe that the post office letter box outside his shop was not for sale.

Mr M.T. Urpuckets, the owner of the shop in Mangravet near Maidstone displays many of the goods he has for sale on the pavement outside the front of his shop where there is a big red circular letter box on the pavement. He often leans items that are for sale against it.

The woman Mrs Elisabeth Notwithit enquired how much the letter box cost. When he tried to explain to her that it was not his to sell she accused the Turkish born shopkeeper of being a racist. He said that she started screaming hysterically and calling him names.

A witness, Des Perrat told Spoof reporter that he heard her say "you bloody foriegners come over here and buy up all our great British institutions". First it was phone boxes and London Bridge. Now it's letter boxes. Where will it end ? He said that Mr Urpuckets told her that if she was unhappy she should complain to the Maidstone Chamber of Commerce. When she told him she was too busy he suggested she should write them a letter. It was when he mockingly told her to post the letter in the box that she "went mental" ! She entered the shop and picked up an ornamental Sammauri sword and said that she would open him up like a F-----g letter. Whilst swinging the sword toward him she threatened to cut off his "balls and stick them in a Doner Kebab".

Police arrived on the scene to find Mrs Notwithit sobbing uncontrollably. Romanian born WPC Lukami Widegash tried sympathetically to ask why she wanted the letter box. The hysterical woman said that she lived half a mile from her nearest post box and thought that if she had her own in her garden it would save her a walk. WPC Widegash tried to tell her that just because she had a box in her garden that the Post Office would probably not collect from it. When she explained that post boxes were not for sale Mrs Notwithit called her a foriegn Pikey PC twat.

She was taken away screaming that if a Prince of the Realm was not allowed to called someone a Paki' in his own country then she had no chance. She has been released on bail pending further enquiries.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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