Written by Roy Turse

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Topics: Jonathan Ross

Friday, 23 January 2009

image for Jonathan Ross apologises for speech impediment
Tom seemed to take it all in good faith.

In an obviously scripted opening to his Friday evening TV show, evil entertainer Jonathan Ross apologised in detail for his appalling speech impediment.

"It is incumbent on all of us in this industry to speak clearly, and I realise I let the side down when I mispronounced the words Andwoo, Gwandaughter, Bwand and Fwucked."

Later, when speaking to Tom Cruise, Ross was heard to use the expletive 'cwooze', in direct contravention of the BBC's undertaking to ensure that no mispronunciation would occur before the 9 o'clock watershed.

Meanwhile, the press complaints authority said that it was introducing a ban on the use of puns based on Ross's speech impediment in newspaper articles from Monday.

It was not known whether their comment - "Woss is not funny" - related to the ban or the disgraced chat show host.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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