Who says computers have no sense of humour? We asked the data manager of a leading computer dating agency to come up with the ideal celebrity couple, and to the utter amazement of everyone - except a member of staff who has actually met Victoria Beckham - the computer paired her off with the famous Glaswegian philosopher, Rab C. Nesbitt.
Our computer whiz confessed to being somewhat surprised at the outcome, remarking "I might have expected one of the other Spice Girls - maybe Geri Halliwell, for example - but not the posh one; although if she's what passes for posh these days, God help us."
We telephoned the great man, informed him of the results, and asked if he'd care to comment, he said "I wouldnae swap her for Mary-doll, never in a million years, and by the way, I widnae pish oan her if she wiz oan fire. I like her man well enough, though, missed a penalty for England oan Sunday, so he did."