Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 20 January 2009

image for Kelly Brook Sacked after Six Days
Kelly consoles herself with a friend

In what many are terming the Worst Publicity Stunt in History, Kelly Brook has been sacked by Simon Cowell from the Britain's Got Talent.

Less than a week ago the brunette, who has trouble keeping her clothes on, was hired by the ITV1 Talentless show in the hope that she would get regularly naked.

"Mr Cowell has admired Kelly since he saw pictures of her in the tabloids without any clothes on," said one researcher on the show. "We think he wanted to show her what was under his high waisted trousers."

Cowell was unabashed after the news was released. "What can I say, I thought: 'we need some glamour, so lets get a glamour model!'"

It very quickly became clear that sitting behind a desk for four hours and occasionally saying something was well beyond the talents of Ms Brook who would denounce the various acts before her with such salient lines as:

"Um well, yes." and "That was, well, you know."

ITV1 boss, Chester Cheese, admitted the appointment was a mistake. "We were having to give her a sheet with snide remarks on," he said. "And even then she got them wrong. She called one singer an 'Out of tone flat-pack wardrobe' when she should have read the line 'Out of tune, flat pitched wannabe'."

Kelly Brook was unfazed by being dumped. "It was well, um, you know," she told reporters.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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