Months before the Eurovision Song Contest has even begun to aggravate the annual bowel symptoms, the losing UK entry is about to be penned by none other than Alfred Lord Tennyson.
With the help of specialist sponsors Android Rubber, a Westminster Abbey exhumation permit and Graham Norton, presenter of the popular TV series '(Google this later)', scientists were hoping to recreate the winning formula as enjoyed by Lulu and Motherhood Of Bran.
However, the UK entry once again seems doomed to failure as the Alfred Lord T has been filmed bribing foreign nationals to vote for his entry which amounts to reconstituted vote-rigging and is against Article 6 of the European Voteriggers Charter which states that 'on no account must anyone suspect'. There have also been legal challenges from the Union of Hopeful Songwriters who insist that digging up dead people to represent the nation is 'more than a bit off' and is also 'very misleading' for voters if all the notes are arranged to sound like some kind of annoyingly naff tune.
All this year's UK hopefuls have signed a contract promising not to comment on Alfred Lord Tennyson's lyrics (I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead rich me / everybody's happy, yay, lmao…) and the song contest will be watched by millions if it doesn't clash with HourlyTat Hour on QVC.