Ballybollox Castle - (AssoCIAted Mess): The Queen has barricaded herself into the Oswald Mosley Blackshirt Memorial Wing in Ballybollox Castle.
Courtiers fear she suspects she will be 'involuntarily euthanised' in a 1936 royal copycat procedure, this time to save the great British nation from enduring 'nauseous' TV coverage of the Obama inauguration.
The American ceremony takes place on Tuesday, 73 years to the day since ailing British monarch King George V's jugular vein was pumped by royal doctors with a lethal mixture of cocaine and heroin.
The euthanising procedure was aimed at fulfilling Hellfire Club Age of Aquarius astrology predictions about 'the once and future King'.
George V's convenient 20 January 1936 death then made the morning headlines of all world newspapers, completely overshadowing coverage of future daughter-in-law Wallis Simpson's much awaited TV interview on the original 1930s Leno Show.
Camilla Parker Bowels is in a Haloperidol straightjacket at the Royal Freak Hospital, London.