Written by Honest Lee
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Topics: Gordon Ramsay

Saturday, 17 January 2009

image for Medical certificate required before eating at Ramsay restaurants
Bring your medical cert.

Gordon Ramsay has pre-empted a European Union decision requiring customers to produce medical certificates to eat in a restaurant. Due to the increasing use of the blame and reward culture imported from the USA, where millions of dollars have been paid out in compensation for some quite petty claims, diners will have to prove they can function normally and eat without supervision.

No more will you be allowed to spill coffee on your leg and claim for plastic surgery and loss of earnings. In an interview today Ramsay said, "It was becoming ridiculous. Week on week we have to deal with more claims. Only last month a woman complaimed of experiencing a bubbling sensation in her mouth which made her feel excited and giddy. Madam , I said , this is normanl when you drink champagne. But she was haing none of it and is claiming for extreme sensory trauma."

Diners will now have to bring their certificates as well as a CV of previous restaurants they have visited. On completion of a meal, restaurant managers will stamp the CV to prove the worthiness of the client.

Fears that the system may be abused, by swapping CVs with friends and colleagues, were strengthened when the City starting trading the CVs in the LSE yesterday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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