Written by Kozmik Ken

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Topics: Health, Obesity

Sunday, 11 January 2009

image for New Blow for UK's Fattest Town
Some stupid people.

Already reeling from being exposed as Britain's fattest town only days ago, residents of Barnsley now find that they have also earned the unenviable moniker of Britain's stupidest town too.

Highbrow Sociologist Tristram Wankwhistle commented, "it's true that Barnsley locals on average, appear to have lower than normal IQ's. Someone raised in Barnsley is more likely to have a poor educational background, limited vocabulary and be less traveled than the average UK resident, often never moving out of the area where they were raised. They are quite backwards and tend smell a bit and dress funny."

Statistics also show a higher level of pedestrian injury due to not watching where they are going, standing in the road while engaging in pointless conversations with other dimbos and being mown down by joy-riders in their stolen cars.

A made up source said, "all you have to do is take a walk through Barnsley Market to get a true impression of the good people of Barnsley. Waddling, ignorant buffoons buying pasties and outsized underwear. They make Shameless look like a documentary about a University Campus!"

A representative of Barnsley Metropolitan Council defended the town, "although Barnsley is indeed recognised as one of Britain's more deprived areas, especially affected by the closure of the mines from which it is still, to some extent recovering, great steps forward have been made in regeneration." She then collapsed into gales of laughter.

A number of Barnsley residents were invited to comment and many did but I couldn't really understand their droning accents. It sounded a bit like, "Naa, ows thi cum abaat wi this then? Thi shunt bi guwin n seyin nowt laak that then shud thi." But it could have been anything really.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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