Written by Rusty
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Topics: Names, Signs, rude

Thursday, 8 January 2009

image for Rude English Street Names to Go
Chess Street Targeted for Obstruction.

Pratts District Council wants to clean up its highway designations, hence road and street names with rude connotations could soon be banned around Sussex to avoid "deliberate misinterpretation".

But throughout England streets with names like 'Grope Lane', 'Titty Ho' and 'Dog's Bollocks' have a rich history.

A report from the Borough's Department of Idiocy and Council Tax Wastage says 'aesthetically unsuitable' names such as Gaswork Road, Tip Street, Coalpit Close and Dogshit Drive should also be avoided, along with any double entendres.

But Barnton Clunt, co-author of 'Up Yer Jacksy UK', believes rude-sounding place names have a cultural significance.

The book, along with later publications 'Up Yer Arse, Britain' and 'Up Yer Jacksy, Brussels', explores the history of such place names including Twatrot in Cuntshire, Itchy Bollocks in Crabsford, Lickme in Dykesdale, Knob-head in Dorkcester and Scratchy Bottom in Fleasborough.

Slag Lane in Haydock, Merseyside, for example, got its name from the six-penny whores which used to characterise the area in the Thatcher government era.

While Juggs Pier, on the Cornish coast, is thought to have derived its name from the women who carried baskets of fish from the trawlers and had massive tits.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Street, famous throughout North Wales as the longest name, is due for replacement too after it was finally discovered that the real translation from Medieval Welsh into English means "The Prince of Wales can stick his head up his Teutonic arse".

However, with some logic and truth to the matter, one Welsh councillor commented "About time too, the street sign's longer than the bleedin' street is."

Also to be banned in the upcoming cull are names capable of deliberate misinterpretation like Whore Road, Pisspot Avenue and Quare Feller Street.

In 2008 Dick and Virgie Muffitch moved from their bungalow in Cuntsborough, South Yorkshire, after becoming fed up of living in Butt Plug Road.

The family said they had grown tired of groups of youths posing for photographs by a street sign near their front wall with their buttocks bared.

Taxis and delivery men often failed to turn up, as they did not believe the road existed.

Hopefully their move to 4 Cough Drive in Scunthorpe will prove a more amiable location and home.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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