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Monday, 5 January 2009

image for Pictured: the discreet Highland crack den where Kate Middleton is schmoozing William into red-blooded heterosexuality
Trailer-trash 'royals' detoxing here from yet another festive fisting mess

Ballybollox Castle, Scotland - (Festive Fisting Mess): The UK media is all agog at recently released pictures of a 'simple Highland crack dealing den' on the Old Queen Mum's former Birkhall estate.

The hut is where Koo Stark's bastard spawn Kate Middleton and a battalion of MoD gender re-orientation psychologists are starting the onerous task of hypnotising the Pretender's 'son' William into full-blown heterosexuality.

William, 26, began the gender re-assignment procedure campaign last December by growing a manly beard.

This was followed up with a series of sleep-learning therapies using rectal implants containing Middleton's pheromones, a simple Ecstasy compound and 'the hair of Pavlov's dog.'

The young royal wastrel's KGB handler meanwhile is cooking up a new Plutonium-210 recipe for Wills to present to his tribute act Grandmama as a belated Yuletide present.

The Russian Orthodox Christmas is on January 7th.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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