Written by Kent Pete
Print this
Topics: Alcohol, Horse

Wednesday, 31 December 2008

image for Norman the Horse forced to sober up
Norman during better times

A horse named Norman who regularly propped up the bar at a trendy London pub has been barred by a landlady worried about her new carpets.

The thoroughbred used to enjoy a pint of John Smiths bitter and a packet of pickled onion crisps alongside owner John Dolan inside O'Malley's in Camden Town, NW1.

But a refit at the pub, which included new carpets and locks on the toilet doors, meant landlady Melanie Gray had to tell Mr Dolan his four legged friend was no longer welcome.

She said: "Although Norman is probably a lot cleaner than many of the students we get in here, I am trying to turn this pub around. I will not attract the kind of trendy clientele I am after if I continue to serve farmyard animals".

However Norman reportedly still comes to the pub, now named the Koko Bar, but is tethered outside where he can see his former boozing pals enjoying their pints.

Owner Mr Nolan, a 62-year-old retired oil rigger, added: "Some of the old regulars come into the pub and the first thing they say is 'Where's Norm?'. It is so sad to see his face pressed up against the window. I know he is angry with Miss Gray as he will often relieve himself all over her Ford Mondeo, sometimes chasing it down Camden High Street to do so".

"I joke and tell the boys that he's kicked the habit and is teetotal now. However in all honesty he was beginning to develop a bit of a beer gut. Also I took him to have some fun with a mare last week and he just wasn't interested. All he seemed to want to do was get down the boozer. I have put drink before sex for the last 40 years but I never thought Norm would turn down the chance of a quick shag. She was a right beauty as well, fetlocks to die for".

The 12 year old stud had started propping up the bar several years ago when one day he simply followed Mr Dolan into the pub, instead of staying outside on the pavement as usual.

He said: "Back then no-one even took any notice of him. Everyone just saw him as one of the lads. Things have changed around here, Camden has lost its character".

Norman's social life hit the headlines in October 2007 when his story went around the world.

Miss Gray had only just taken over the pub then, and said she was shocked to find a horse amongst her regulars.

"Unfortunately if you want to survive in the pub trade you have to attract the young crowd who tend to have more disposable income. It may seem cold hearted but I believe it would benefit everyone if Mr Dolan found an alternative place to drink. With the possible exception of Princess Michael of Kent, I can't think of many women who would enjoy being chased home by an Arabian stallion with a full bladder".

Make Kent Pete's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 2?

2 4 3 19
57 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more