In a disastrous mix-up, the Israeli army has invaded Paul Gascoigne, the alcoholic ex-footballer who is also known by his nickname 'Gazza'.
The Israeli Ambassador to Newcastle would not answer any questions but gave this statement: "One of our spies made an error, he said that rockets were being launched from Gazza into Israel. In response, we decided to invade Paul Gascoigne, although we now realise this was a mistake. We wish to apologise to Paul Gascoigne and any damage which the invasion has done to his person. Our forces will withdraw as soon as we regain contact with them."
Israeli special forces were sent into Paul Gascoigne but contact was soon lost. It is believed that they could have been overcome with alcohol fumes and gas. A tank is also missing.