An ambulance crew of two in Brighton was today suspended, after allegedly 'trying to keep a patient alive'. A telephone operator received an emergency 999 call last month from an injured man, but kept the line open after she heard the crew suggesting they should just apply professional medical care to the patient, and get him into hospital as quickly as possible.
'This is not acceptable', a St. John's ambulance spokesman said. 'Our crews are trained to not bother treating people they don't like the look of, as well as sitting around gossipping about them, and then just letting them die. An enquiry will be launched to find out how these two workers broke our rules, and started bandaging contusions and using antiseptic.'
This is not the first time the emergency services have acted unprofessionally, as only this summer two police car drivers were demoted, after driving safely and with due caution when following a stolen car across Newcastle. And four firefighters were suspended in February, after suggesting that saving lives was more important than going on strike for higher pay.
The man at the centre of the incident, Mr. Barchester Chronicle, had this to say about his ordeal: 'Sorry, I'm brown bread, mate. Who are the Seagulls playing this week?' The ambulance service may be demoted to 'Britain's fourth service' next year.