Sir Basil Fawlty, part time diplomatic envoy to Germany and legendary Torquay hotel proprietor had a few words of advice for Spoof contributors today.
Once he'd sat down, following an awe inspiring array of silly walks, he told us:
'Don't mention the credit crunch. Or the economic downturn. It's boring. As is the Steven Gerrard thing. The Spoof expects a better class of contributor.'
Mrs Sybil Fawlty reacted to her husband's statement with a contemptuous glare and a shake of her beehive hairdo. Sucking on a Lambert and Butler as if her life depended on it, she quipped:
'You don't want to listen to Basil. He's barking.'
The Major, glugging his sixteenth double brandy in the bar of Fawlty Towers claimed that Sybil was a fine looking woman.
Polly was off for a night on the town.
Manuel was on annual leave, reportedly in the USA tracking down Russell Brand in order to kick his fucking head in.
'Don't mention the credit crunch,' reiterated Sir Basil Fawlty before wandering off to subject some German guests to a torrent of racist zenophobic abuse.
More as we get it.
But we do warn you, we're getting desperate for material.