Written by PY1000
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Sunday, 28 December 2008

image for Gazza in Custody Battle for The Fog
The Fog on the Tyne pictured in happier times in 1983

Breaking news from Newcastle Crown Court. Following weeks of tension, a city breaths a sigh of relief after being granted custody of one its most famous institutions, ending 16 years of feuding between City fathers and the regions famous drunken son.

Elsewhere, questions are being asked about the enforceability of today's dramatic court rulings, following The Right Honourable Judge Shadrack Macfunkinstiens decision that 'The Fog' is no longer legally under sole ownership of Mr Paul Gasgoine, and must be allowed to return to its original habitat -The Tyne.

Speculation mounts about the mental well-being of The Fog following almost 20 years of adoption by Mr Gascoine, who gazumped The Tyne in a ruthless no-holds-barred battle for the rights to The Fog in the early 1990's. His then Lindisfarne based legal representatives, releasing the following statement to a bemused Press pack after success in the courts.

'On behalf of my client Mr Gascoine I would like to say, we can swing together, We can have a wee-wee, We can have a wet on the wall, If someone slips a whisper then it's simple sister, Slap 'em down and slap it on their smalls, Cause The fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine, The fog on the Tyne is all mine'

The 'Wee Wee on the wall' clause -so effective all those years ago, was recently overturned by the European courts, following lengthy appeals by The Tyne. 'I want me fucking fog back now man' said The river Tyne in a Spoof exclusive interview back in 2005.

Since the fog was lifted from The Tyne, the area has undergone an amazing renaissance. Massive development and funding has transformed the area into a culture and party capital. Which leaves concerned locals wondering; What will happen when the fog returns to the Tyne?

Many are questioning, does the Tyne really want the return of The Fog? which for the last twenty years has been involved in a number of scandals with its owner Mr Gascoine. In 1998 The Fog was held in custody following an incident on Tyneside, in which The Drizzle was violently attacked by a fat man and an atmospheric weather condition outside a nightclub.

Jimmy 'Five bellies' Gardner and The Fog were later released without charge after CCTV footage of the incident proved to be inconclusive. Detective Spanky Wheelhouse concluding 'we could not make out the assailants, because of the fog'

More on this story as the situation develops.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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