Written by Rusty
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Topics: Space, SNP

Friday, 26 December 2008

image for SNP Want Spaceport
Glenda McSlag : the SNP's first Jockonaut.

The Scottish National Party, not universally renowned for its grasp on reality, and in thus keeping with tradition, have decided during their recent Parliamentary Christmas piss-up, that they want to have their own spaceport

The party's Westminster leader, Angus McTwatty, slightly inebriated after several bottles of festive spirit, announced to the press he wants Richard 'Beardie' Branson's Virgin Galactic to use RAF Goosebump in his Moray of Eel constituency as a centre for space tourism.

The airbase, once a prime target for a Soviet first wave nuclear attack, has already been identified by Virgin as a possible location for a commercial space enterprise if the site's numerous potholes and mole hills are sorted, and the gangs of homeless "See you Jimmy" methaholic squatters removed from the airfield's bunkers.

"The prospect of space flight from Scotland is a serious and exciting one," a florid-faced Mr. McTwatty told reporters while taking a leak behind the Conservative back benches.

The Speaker of the House of Commons, Gorbals Mick McClot, MP for Glasgow North South, and a fellow Scot, is backing Mr. McTwatty's proposal that the Highlands develop the UK's first spaceport.

The SNP revealed to the national press the full details of their plan to make the Highlands a global hub for space travel, launching kilt-clad Jockonauts and astro-tourists into orbit in their new nuclear haggis-powered Caledonian-McBrain Tartan Lines space shuttles.

Virgin Galactic's starship, Calamity 1, a converted Stagecoach double-decker bus fitted with wings, which will also be used by Space Scotland to launch tourists into orbit, took to the skies over Moray on Sunday, with the test flight being observed with amused interest by NASA in Houston.

The prototype starship blasted off from Moray's Cape McClunt astroport just after lunch, on an orbital trajectory, and attained an altitude of almost three hundred feet before the main haggis-fuelled booster rockets overheated and exploded in a sub-nuclear fireball, causing the craft to splash down in the North Sea, triggering a tsunami that swamped the Shetlands, resulting in several pounds-worth of damage.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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