Written by Gurmeet Mattu

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Topics: flasher

Thursday, 25 December 2008

Scots exhibitionist, Ron Kiltlifter, is trying to have his predilection defined as an artform so that he can be eligible for a grant from the Scottish Arts Council.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," said the 23 stone Glaswegian, "I enjoy exposing myself, and there's no harm in it. If people don't want to see my willy they can always close their eyes. But it's really quite nice."

Ron's wife, Gladys, was in complete agreement. "It's lovely, really," she said at their home in Partick. "I've never known anyone see Ron's willy and not be impressed. It's the complete symmetry of the thing. But of course, as his wife, I'm luckier than most. I get to touch it on Tuesdays."

"It's not a sexual thing," Ron insisted, "It's about aesthetic quality. My willy puts Michaelangelo's David to shame and I think I should be eligible for a few quid from the Arts Council."

An Arts Council spokesman said they could not comment on individual applications, especially from raving lunatics.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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