Lerwick/Shetland Times - There was big news on this wind swept island the past weeks as a myriad of shady dealings continued to stir up deep sheep dip involving ownership of the land, and continued intrusion into the oil rich region by BIG Arab Money facilitated by US Senator Hillary Clinton.
Clinton, in a rush for off shore funds before her Senate confirmation as Secretary of State, and questions of "conflicts of interests", quickly put together a deal with money from the UAE to purchase a controlling interest in the Sullom Voe oil terminal and 6 additional North Sea Oil fields from Shell UK and Esso.
The "facilitation" fee paid to Clinton on the L450M deal was said to be somewhere north of $15M US. Immediately after the deal closed and the check cleared, Clinton disclosed that she was writing off the $13.5M loan she had made to herself for her failed Presidential bid. The write off effectively wipes out any US income tax she might have been liable for on her windfall deal, and also freed her from questions prior to her Senate confirmation hearings.
Of more immediate concern to the Crown, and possibly to the UAE, is the ultimate ownership of the Islands as scooped by The Spoof on Oct. 8th of this year.
The island had been "pawned" to Scotland in 1494, and only recently the pawn ticket was found and an attempt to redeem it made by Bjorn Andersen, a Norwegian Herring Pickler, who met all terms for the redemption.
HM Revenue and Customs, while accepting the payoff, has been reluctant to turn over the deed to Andersen, and is preparing a case to bring to the docket in the Lerwick courthouse "sometime" in the future.
Meanwhile, Mr. Andersen, thinking he had been granted ownership has proceeded with starting a new life, and has run afoul of the law.
According to pending charges the industrious Norwegian has built a small cottage in Forvik without a building permit, and using illegal, undocumented alien labourers from Kenya.
Several of the labourers have been cited for Drink/Drunk Driving of hired motorbikes, and foraging for chickens and lambs on private property.
Mr. Andersen has also started an organic herring pickling plant next to his ocean front abode, with run off directly into the North Sea, a bio hazard according to the Crown.
Mr. Andersen has also been selling resident citizenship to his new country "Free Shetland",promising no taxes, free oil and gas, and a cash stipend each year from oil residual money. In addition he has recruited a coalition of Scottish dentists from Britain who had no work, and promised free dental care for all Free Shetland residents, in addition to weekly bag pipe concerts.
As noted in the earlier Spoof Scoop, Mr. Andersen left his ugly wife Hagar, and has taken up with a few local sheep. Sex starved for many years, he has already fathered several Kids who are the first newborns on the liberated island.
Meanwhile, displaced Cod fisherman from Norway are hanging on with baited breath to see the outcome of the governmental power struggle.