Written by matwil
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Topics: Economy, Banks, Charity

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

image for New 'Help The Banks' charity launches appeal
'Fraud? What fraud?'

Today the new charity Help The Banks appealed to the British public to send in their donations. Their secretary, Alistair Starling, said: 'At this time of the year many bank managers are suffering. While you and your families are eating your Christmas dinners, they're desperately trying to raise enough money for the basics you all take for granted, like high interest rate offshore portfolios and third mortgages. So please, please send in your money now.'

And legendary charity worker Sir Bob Geldoff added: 'The situation is criticial. Unless lots of poor British working people send their hard-earned cash now, many CEOs and Corporate Fund managers will have to simply steal millions from their own banks, and then get the Government to bail the banks out. They'd better not touch the millions in royalties I made out of Boomtown Prats sales after Bandaid, though!'

The new charity will raise funds for bank managers and their families, to help them through this hard time, and to help them have their traditional month's December vacation in the Bahamas. One anonymous banker, Mr. Slimy McBrownnose, said: 'Us bankahs need all the help the people of Britain can give them, so - oi you, pal! leave they wheels alone, heidtheba', orrit's a skelp roond - oh, sowwy, fawgot I'm on the news. Yes, send donations to Mr. Alistah Dahling, care of The Treasury, in the Maldives. Maw tea, chaps?'

Help The Banks have hired Esther Rantzen to bare her teeth in public - and the public can pledge money to stop this happening - and of course the BBC and ITN have been helping them for weeks now, with their 'Please, sir, can I pretend banks didn't pull off major frauds to create this crisis?' campaign, that has made people laugh so much as they watch their savings disappear.

'There's one born every minute', P.T.Barnum said. 'That'll be £800 million taxes for saying that, Mr. Barnum', replied the Chancellor. 'I'm heading for America', said the impresario, 'such things could never happen there!'

There's 60 million born every minute in the United Kingdom.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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