In Edinburgh today, at yet another simpering performance by Prime Minister Gordon Brown at a press conference, a journalist threw a wellington boot at the hapless Labour leader. Throwing wellies is an ancient Scottish insult, and signifies the fact that as Scotland's streets are paved with keck you might as whirl a wellie covered in it at someone who talks even bigger keck.
The PM began to describe how shocked and horrified he was at such a degrading insult, but found that Scots could no longer understand a word he was saying - thankfully - now that he sounds like something out of a Carry On film, only worse. But a translator explained: 'Mr. Brownose is shocked and howwified by the wellie boot thwowing inthident, and will leave no stone untuhned in his effawts to sound like an effeminate public schoolboy.'
This is not the first time that footwear has been hurled at political leaders - only a few days ago another journalist threw a D'Qtar Mmrtn boot at US President George 'Braindead' Bush, to show how brave and tough Iraqis are by letting their country be invaded by the world's most feeble army. But the wellie incident marks the final disgust of the Scottish people at having such a ineffective, fat, slimy git as a Prime Minister.
Bring back Maggie Thatcher, all is now fawgiven.