Written by matthatt
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Tuesday, 16 December 2008

image for Efficiency drive deemed, inefficient

A department of transport efficiency drive has driven efficiency to an all time low, which some members in parliament are saying is more than likely inefficient.

The transport efficiency drive cost taxpayers 81 million pounds when it was supposed to actually save 57 million pounds, some ministers are not that bothered though as the pound isn't worth saving anyway, according to some government chap, somewhere.

The Department for Transport scheme aimed to cut administration costs by basing payroll, finance and personnel services all on one site in Swansea, but at the last minute someone noticed that Swansea was in fact located in Wales, several hundred miles away from the department of transport.

The Commons Public Accounts Committee report says it was late to start, is still not fully introduced, and is set to make losses, not unlike the public transport systems themselves.
A Whitehall watchdog condemned the scheme as "stupendously incompetent" and went on to say, "I have seen some bloody awful cock ups in my time, but this one is so unfathomably shite as to beggar belief and I should know, I have personally managed a whole plethora of god awful projects from over glorified, expensive start to whimpering banal, fatuous end and been paid bloody handsomely for it thank you very much, but I am always more then willing to put the boot in, when it is someone else's testicles on the electric fence"

Apparently, the computer system was distrusted by staff and had at times issued messages in German, at this stage, a feasibility study was commissioned to explore if it would be cheaper to change the system or teach all the staff German.

'No dismissals'

In its report, the committee said: "Despite the extent of mismanagement in this case, no individuals have been dismissed or properly held to account."

A spokesperson has issued a statement to the press which says "we can not just sack people for being inefficient, who would be left to run the country?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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