London - (Sickening Ass Mess): Zimbabwe's fetid cholera outbreak has been traced to a dodgy composting toilet in Buckingham Palace's notorious 'H' Block.
The organic throne room is used by senior members of the Puppet Monarchy four times a year as part of a Nazi occult recycling ritual following state banquets for Commonwealth cannibals.
The fecal matter is then gathered up and packaged as 'Duchy Originals Christmas Pudding' and sold by the Pretender to the Puppet Throne to UK supermarkets and elsewhere.
This year's consignment to foreign heads of state included a two kilo Yuletide Special to Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe.
Buckingham Palace's Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon said today:
"Hopefully they won't DNA-test the 'Duchy Original Christmas Logs' or other comestibles from Charles's prolific output."
Camilla is sick as a pig.