Written by Harry Porter
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Friday, 11 June 2004

One of the UK's most celebrated specialist writers has had his life turned into a living hell because of his name - Michael Jackson.

The author of such acclaimed works as ‘The Connoisseur's Guide to the Single Malt Whiskies of Scotland' and ‘The Malt Whisky Companion' is now apparently enduring an unrelenting ‘love campaign'.

A close family friend has revealed that the unassuming writer even opened his door one morning to find a massive banner proclaiming in bold upper case, ‘Michael Jackson is innocent'.

"It was gigantic," the friend said, "it must have been nearly 400 yards long - a definite case of cut and paste screen printing. Funnily enough, it was incorrectly spelt.

"At first we all thought it was because Michael had been accused of being biased towards Lagavulin and, particularly, the merits of a 12-year-old.; you see there is hard core of Edradour fans out there who feel that their malt hasn't been fairly rated.

"But, after checking on the web we discovered there is actually another Michael Jackson, a middle aged popular recording artist.

"Apparently his fans like him quite a lot and keep declaring him innocent - though we're not quite sure what of - I think it's unlikely to be because of the 12-year-old."

It was also revealed that Mr Jackson's writing has also been hindered by his computer's memory being overloaded with enormous cut and paste e-mails, this time declaring, again in misspelt upper case, ‘We love Michael Jackson'.

‘Michael Jackson's Complete Guide to Single Malt Scotch: The Connoisseur's Guide to the Single Malt Whiskies of Scotland', published by Running Press Book Publishers, is available via Amazon, priced $18.70

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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