X Factor fans are stunned at the announcement that Jesus Christ is to make a guest appearance on Saturday's final show.
Christ is understood to have sought assurances that he will not be overshadowed by Simon Cowell, and after lengthy negotiations with his agent, Pope Benedict XVI, he is satisfied with the terms agreed. These include singing a duet with Eoghan Quigg, before miraculously giving him a normal shaped head so that he can have a haircut. Christ will then turn Quigg's tears into lager (he's bored with the water into wine trick) so that the whole of the UK can have a giant piss up.
Fans of the show will then get to vote on a premium rate line as to whether JC should go on tour with the finalists in the spring, healing one member of the audience on each leg of the tour. The lines will stay upon until Sunday night so that the churches can raid their collections plates to pay for a mass yes vote.
Christ has indicated that should the vote go against him, he would be available for the next series of "I'm a celebrity..."