Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 11 December 2008

image for Euthanasia Available In Glasgow At £250 A Pop
Another Job Well Done

Given the recent controversy over assisted suicides in Switzerland, we sent an undercover team out to find out if there were similar facilities available in the UK - but cheaper.

A dodgy geezer from Salford gave us a Glasgow address and informed us that his Glasgow contact could do the job for thousands cheaper than abroad.

We met Jimmy McJimmy in a pub on Sauchiehall Street in Glasgow, and he told us that he could carry out assisted suicides for as little as £250 a pop.

'Whit happens is that the suicidee checks intae a hotel room,' Jimmy told our team. 'Then the next ae kin gies us a phone call. I go roond there, smack the customer on the back o' the heed wi' a five poond lump hammer and that's it. Game over. The napper shatters. It's quite painless, although I huv tae admit there's an awfy lot ae claret tae clean up.'

'Is it a dignified ending?' we asked.

'Och aye,' said Jimmy. 'It can be a wee bit messy. And sometimes there's gruntin' and twitchin' involved. And sometimes I huv tae go back and twat the subject up the napper a second time, tae be sure like. But aye, it's dignified right enough. And the beauty of it is that ye dinnae huv tae be terminally ill to avail yoursel' ae my services. I'll do healthy folk as well, for the insurance and that. Check oot ma website for details and terms and that.'

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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