Written by Rodd Justice
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Monday, 14 January 2002

image for Public Call for anti-Europhile Legislation

There have been growing protests across Britain for an end to Europhilia, and for the introduction of "Norman's Law", named after Norman Lamont, the former Chancellor whose political career was killed by Europhilia.

Norman's Law would mean introducing a list of local Europhiles in the community. Advocates of the scheme say that it is simply for the protection of their notes and coins, and the list would keep them safe. Campaigner Ogilvie

Pariah, 33, said, "it's a money-holder's right to know whether the coin in my pocket is scrapped by a sick Europhile."

However, many have pointed out the risks of the scheme, saying it could lead to an increase in vigilante attacks on local Europhiles. Even local twits such as Charlie Champino, village idiot, 19, managed to string together words to describe this criticism. "Baseball bat head", the dummy struggled to say. A recent incident adds substance to this argument. A Portsmouth doctor was smashed to a million pieces by an anti-Europhile mob, which thought he was a Europhile, when in fact he was a neurologist.

Additionally, there is a worry that the list will simply drive the Europhiles underground, operating a secret economy using the Euro. Once underground, it will be difficult for their ideas to be quashed with the usual dated patriotism arguments. Some may even have access to the Internet.

Despite these criticisms, public anger at the Europhile problem runs high. A newspaper has named and shamed 100 of Britain's most ardent Europhiles, and suggest even some MPs may be involved. Riots in many towns continue, and support for Norman's Law is growing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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