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Thursday, 4 December 2008

image for Condoleeza Rice Plays Wild Boogie-Woogie For The Queen
London's Delta Blues Club

US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice today showed her black musical roots, as she played wild rock'n'roll music on the piano at Buckingham Palace.

She met the Queen in the early afternoon, and was being shown round the Palace when she suddenly caught sight of a grand piano in one of the state rooms. Throwing protocol to the wind, she ran to the piano and shouted 'Well, this heah is the Killer speakin'!', and broke into 'Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On', as courtiers and secretaries began to fidget awkwardly.

She then started bashing out Little Richard's 'Tutti Frutti', and as she did so - and was starting to look suspiciously like Little Richard himself, as she was playing and singing - Prince Phillip said 'Care for a twirl round the room, Liz?', and soon the Royal pair were jitterbugging across the parquet floor, as Miss Rice began hammering the high keys with her right foot, while taking swigs of Southern Comfort and smoking unfiltered cigarettes.

After a few hours of a reelin' and a rockin' the drinks began to slow things down, and Condoleeza borrowed a guitar from a nearby mistrel, and began to sing the blues, as the Queen settled down with Phillip and a decanter of Buckfast Tonic Wine:

'Woke up this mornin', dreamed that George Bush was gone, Woke up this mornin', knew that somethin' was wrong, If I ain't blitzed by this evenin', gonna have me a bong', and as a tumbleweed blew across the room, she continued. 'In the evenin', Ah'm feelin' so blue, In the evenin', wanna talk to you, If Ah ain't got a translator, can never understand you, George', and as the clock struck midnight she turned back into a highly educated polite American politician, smiled prettily at the Queen, and then went off to practise playing Schubert concertos and to reassess the Israeli/Palestinian conflict.

President Bush, watching this on a video link, said: 'Well, would you Adam'n'Eve it, me old mockers, I'm in a right 2 and 8 seeing Condi playing the Joanna, and knocking back glasses of Vera with Brenda in the smoke. Guess she'll be orf for a Ruby wiv - heck! Mah fake Texan hillbilly accent suddenly transmoranised into a fake Cockney London one! Well, that's showbusies for ya!', and then fell asleep in his rocking chair at his 200-bedroom ranch in Texas. Senator Barack Obama was seen heading towards a nearby crossroads.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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