London, England - A delegation of workers from a leading supermarket chain is claiming that their bosses are to introduce African bush meat onto British supermarket shelves in the run up to Christmas.
'They say it's a cheap source of protein,' said Barry Bothersome. 'What they don't tell you is exactly what it is, or that if you cook it, it'll stink your house out for months.'
So what exactly is bush meat? we asked.
'Could be anything really,' John Johnson explained. 'It's a bit like road kill. Could be monkeys, or lizards, crocodiles or deer. I've heard of snakes and wild pigs and other such stuff in it.'
So how does it work?
'They dry the stuff out in the sun,' Ellen Wheels said. 'More often than not they salt it. The idea is that when the customer gets it home they soak it in water overnight then cook it in their preferred manner.'
'And it really stinks,' added Jethro Maltby. 'Honest to God, you've never whiffed anything like it in your life. They ship the stuff in from the Congo. And the worst of it is that it tastes absolutely rotten. It makes those bush tucker trials look like gourmet dining.'
I do not support the importation of African bush meat. Civilised people were never intended to dine on monkey soup or toad fritters.
That's just disgusting.
No matter how hard the recession bites.
More as we get it.