Written by jeremy griffiths
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Wednesday, 3 December 2008

image for Claus plc. in receivership
Claus in recevership

After several days of uncertainty, Claus plc. was today in the hands of receivers D'Toilette and Down. The UK institution with it's iconic Father Christmas brand appears to be well and truly stuffed. Dating back to the 1920's Claus was set up in the UK as a subsidiary of the Coca Cola empire.

Long divorced from it's roots, the venerable institution has become sleightly old fashioned and has been the subject of various buy outs, sell outs and fuck ups over the last 20 years.

It's US equivalents, Fannie Thankgiving and Freddie Christmas have been the subjects of sentimental US govt. bailouts. "Let's not mince words here, Christmas wouldn't be the giving of thanks for the thanksgiving of the Christmas event of the season" a sentimental old George Bush was heard to say, before being led away by Condy Treefairy.

Distribution of Christmas toys is being seriously disrupted, many elves have resorted to going direct to suppliers, it is unclear what will happen to Christmas letters received before the collapse, all the little girls and boys may well find their stockings unstuffed.

It is thought that Theolopolis Misteltoe-Daftopolis, irritating Dragons Den guru, may throw his santa hat into the ring. Commentators are said to think he is crackers, and that other more qualified bidders may rain on his parade.

One solution would be to merge the carcass of the company with Easterbunny, plc, the danger being of course that the merged group may turn out to be an even bigger turkey and we will all be back in the soup next year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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