Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Christmas

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

image for Brand-New Forest Winter Wonderland A Bit Of A Let Down
Not The New Forest.

It promised it all on its official website, Hollywood style special effects, Santa, Reindeer, sleighs, snow, magic for the kiddies, gift shops, catering facilities, no queues, log cabins, elves, and hours of unbridled xmas joy for cash strapped families in the midst of an impending recession.

And all in the Brand-New Forest, recently grown just off the M25.

And all for a mere thirty notes a head.

The reality was somewhat different.

Deluded southern people jammed the website with credit card bookings, only to be badly let down.

'There was no snow,' said Beatrix Buffty, a disappointed mother of two point four from Eastleigh. 'There was just a muddy field with bricks and assorted debris in it.'

'There were no log cabins either,' said Wincey Hardboard, 'just a few garden sheds painted white to make it look as if they had snow on them.'

'The presents were shite too,' said Ellen Faketan, a naval wife from Gosport. 'They gave my little lad a packet of nails from B&Q and wor wee lass a rubber mallet. That's never thirty quids worth.'

'Santa stank of special brew,' quipped Aileen Smartarse, age 9, 'and he was smoking roll-ups. And he tried to put his hand up mummy's skirt.'

'It was horrible,' complained Bradley Forehead, age 10. 'The reindeer were just sleeping. It was as though they couldn't give a shit.'

The nativity painting, executed on the side of an old Dell PC carton also came in for criticism.

'The baby Jesus looked like Michael Jackson,' complained Todd Beaudelaire, age 11, of Winchester. 'The Virgin Mary looked like Dawn French, and the Three Wise Men looked like Alan Hansen, Gary Lineker, and Mark Lawrenson out of match of the day, and Joe the Carpenter looked like Russell Brand.'

At which point Todd burst into tears.

A spokesperson for Winter Wonderland Enterprises stated that the company was beating a hasty retreat before the Department Of Fair Trading got onto them.

Winter Wonderland PLC anticipate presenting another Xmas extravaganza 'as soon as we find another place full of gullible idiots.'

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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