London/ Screw Magazine/ Paris Edition - The Pubs of London served hordes of cheering crowds of revelers today, when it was announced that the often maligned and stereotyped staid Brits were awarded the coveted "Horny Toad Cup" in global recognition of their promiscuous behaviour!
Only yesterday British swingers were morose when it was announced that the French had been measured as having the EU's biggest penises, even though the results were deemed suspect by the Queen's Lord of Weights and Measures.
While previously known for excessive wanking,spanking, being bound in rubber suits, and domination by dress up Nannies that were Russian Spies, male British Pride has now been restored.
On a more precise note, the study conducted on 14k subjects in 48 countries, singled out British Females as being the reason the UK surged to the forefront of the "Index of Sociosexulity." A polite way of saying that chics from the UK "were just plain HOT!"
Reasons for the surge have been attached to the rising equality of women's positions in the economical and social world, and the fact that in most locales women outnumbered men forcing them to be more aggressive in marketing their sexual prowess.
Of additional note, both male and females of the UK species were noted for their aggressive "poaching" to secure their sexual partners from other unsuspecting mates. This fact was especially explained with extensive footnotes in detailing the sex lives of the current Royal Family, and a separate clinical study of the phenomenon.
Current relationships in the UK indicate 33% of males had "poached" their new sex partners, while 28% of women had done the same.
While the French term "Poaching" is a derivitive of a French sexual hobby, a local male claimed that "you can eat your fish anyway you like, but it still smells like fish...although Poaching with a good Reisling does add a sweet, pungent flavour to your palet!"
To say that the average male libido in the UK is now soaring with renewed confidence would be an understatement. "They used to know that we could fight," said a retired Queen's Marine...".but now they know we can F****too!"