In a surprise turnaround, the Chancellor has today announced he will not be bailing out the struggling Banks.
In an interview with a major news channel he said "I have decided the only way out of this mess is to give the money to the public. I'm sick of the Banks actions, they just keep stuffing the money I give them under their mattresses. Therefore I am dividing the £37 billion pounds between every family in this country in the hope it will free up the economy and ensure everyone has a turkey on the table this Christmas."
When asked what triggered this change in strategy, he said, "I've been having some very bad dreams recently involving some ghostly past Chancellors wearing shackles and there's a little boy with a dodgy leg in the dream who keeps begging me to buy his family some food. I have a feeling that doing the right thing now could save me an eternity of problems in the future."
The PM is said to be so gobsmacked by the Chancellor's actions he is struggling to put a sentence together while the leader of the Opposition has said he sees this all as a huge PR stunt.
A spokesman for the Banks has so far growled and snarled a lot but, we're led to believe this is normal conversation for a Rottweiler and should not be taken out of context.
In light of these events and when asked if the Lloyds HBOS merger would still go ahead without the Governments money, a spokesman for Lloyds said "you're 'aving a giraffe. We'd rather buy Woolies."