It has emerged today that the British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has suffered a major blow to his beliefs and is on the verge of a complete mental breakdown.
In a week of terrible economic turmoil that has seen millions of job losses, he has now been told that Santa Claus will not be bringing him any presents as he has been such a naughty boy and does not deserve any; because he has robbed many families out of house and home and caused the closure of many UK turkey farms. Now to top it all, F. W. Woolworth's are to close.
"Everybody knows that Woolworth's have been a major source of Christmas presents for almost 100 years, and to bring such dire news just weeks before the big day is simply too much for the electorate to take." said a Downing Street source.
The leader of the opposition, David Cameron, has even taunted him in the House of Commons by claiming he does not exist. Cameron said that if he did exist, then he would be living in number 10 by now and would indeed be the best present he could have and the best gift for the country too!
The Prime Minister in an exclusive interview with In Seine News has admitted his mistakes and has asked that the public will forgive him. He told us to cast our minds back to when New Labour burst on to the scene using the theme song 'Things Can Only Get Better'. That song is still relevant now- it's just that we, as a government have had to streamline the workforce somewhat and close some of the bigger money-wasters and in order for things to get better they have got to get worse first. People forget that it was Tony Blair who started this, not me. I am the architect of building a stronger, leaner Britain and I hope to prove that David Cameron is a liar by having more presents from Santa than I've ever had before.
"I remember that my old dad told me that Santa did exist and that is why he covered the chimney with barbed wire to stop him coming down the chimney - many true Scots did that you know? Dad also confided in me that the mince pies for Santa were a scam by Mr Kipling to make millions and the same goes for carrot farmers. Reindeer eat grass, not root vegetables. I have never known my dad to lie." he said.