Written by jeremy griffiths
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Tuesday, 25 November 2008

image for "Ramrod" Ramsey's Rollicking Relationship
Ramsey's Real affair

An obviously emotional Gordon Ramsey spoke candidly to press today about his alleged affair with ex-jeffrey crim-archer's mistress Sarah Symonds.

"It's not what you think, Sarah, my wife Tana, and I have a close relationship, we thought it best that it was believed to be a normal affair". Ramsey paused, and guiltily went on, "We actually meet up about 3 times a week to gorge on fast food. I know it's so embarrassing, but when you work with fucking posh nosh, and have to deal with all the 'shit-for-brains' customers, you really need to relax".

"Ramrod" so called because he is sexually aroused by fast-food is said to indulge in "Gobbing" or Gorge-Orgasm-Bulimia, a dangerous and somewhat sticky pastime known to the Romans.

"I'm Gobby and I'm proud" asserted Gordon, dressed in loose fitting chef's trousers, "It will probably ruin my career, but what the fuck, I've made enough dosh from all those pretentious pricks, so why should I care".

Gordon's chicken breeding operation is believed to be a major supplier to KFC.

Jamie Oliver was strangely silent when asked to comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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