Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 24 November 2008

image for Timmy Mallet Hot New Tip For Cillit Bang Job
Kilroy Silk and Esther Rantzen Pictured In The Same Jungle About Forty Seconds Ago. On A Mobile Phone No Less.

Much to Barry Scott's chagrin, it seems that he's about to get the boot from the lucrative Cillit Bang advertising contract, only to be replaced by celeb jungle irritating bastard Timmy Mallet, who remained an irritating bastard despite having gained all twelve stars in his quite nauseating bush tucker challenge.

Mallet, unaware that Cillit Bang were conducting frantic behind the scenes negotiations in order to secure his services, continued to get right up the noses of team mates and viewing public alike.
An outraged Barry Scott declared:

'They've given me me fuckin cards in favour of that irritating little bug munching shit. They haven't heard the fucking last of this. Excuse me, I'm on me mobile to Johnny Cochrane. Or is it Max Clifford?'

Donald Squeakybum, a director of Cillit Bang said that it was an unfortunate situation, but that with a recession looming, Barry Scott would just have to eat shit and accept that he was no longer the most irritating prick on British Television.

'We would have willingly gone for David Van Gay or Cristiano Ronaldo, but they had other commitments' Squeakybum said.

In a final dramatic word, Barry Scott addressed waiting reporters to say: 'I could have understood this if it had the buy one get one free guy. But Timmy Mallet? That's just a fucking piss take.'
p16 - Something dodgy about that Ant and Dec.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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