Written by Daniel Tate
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Knife

Friday, 21 November 2008

image for Knife Amnesty Amnesty

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith today released plans for a controversial amnesty of existing knife amnesty measures.

The news comes after a recent independent watchdog discovered that several knife amnesty schemes, operating over the past 4 years, have had little, if any, success.

"The schemes have been popping up all over the country for the past few years but, due to poor media coverage and the apathetic attitudes of most owners of knives considered to be offensive weapons, we simply haven't been seeing the results we expected. They just don't cut the mustard. It's quite a sore point.", explained Jacqui Smith.

The deregulation of such schemes in 2004 gave rise to a sharp increase in knife amnesty centres. As such it proved difficult to manage the numerous independent schemes. In fact, it is not even known exactly how many of the schemes are currently operational.

When asked of her plans for reducing knife crime, Jacqui replied, "We're going to have to carve out new, innovative measures to help us reduce knife crime. The way to do this is to cut out the infected area, which we believe are the amnesty schemes.

"Unfortunately we don't know how many there are, or even where they're based. Because of this, we're initiating an amnesty of knife amnesty schemes. If anybody is running on of the schemes, we urge them to turn it in to the knife amnesty amnesty."

Make Daniel Tate's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 2?

6 2 24 16

Go to top