Written by The Big C O Jones
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Topics: BNP

Friday, 21 November 2008

image for BNP Membership List Shocker!
A white cloth on a stick yesterday

The release of the BNP's membership details on the internet has revealed some unexpected names.

Top of the unexpected list is Prime Chancellor Gordon Browne. When Asked, the Rt Hon Mr Browne said 'OK - it's a fair cop, I've been with them for years since I was a founding member of Combat 18'.

Also on the list was heroic strictly TV dancer John Sargeant who has been a member since 1876. 'You would not believe how much I was trying to slip a 'goosestep' in amongst all that foxtrot crap' he said today.

International comedy icon Ricky Gervaze was member number 72 on the secret list with his cunning e-mail address listed as 'I'vewonsevencomedybaftasrecently@gervaze'. When challenged about his membership, Gervaze said 'you've heard my act, I'm quite overt in my racial overtones - just because I give a cheeky grin after i've said that stuff doesn't mean I don't really believe it'.

Ex-TV's Lenni Henry was one of the biggest surprise names to appear on the list with his explanation being 'I've tried to align myself with all major political parties but they told me I wasn't funny and would just ruin their chances if I spoke up for them - but at least at the BNP I had a twelve thousand strong fan base who keep telling me that they love my show 'Lenni Go Home' and that it is an inspiration to them...well the title is anyway'.

Fears were rife across the British retail industry today that the Nectar loyalty card membership list was on the brink of being breached - especially the UK Managing Director of Walmart who is said to have the largest amount of points of any card holder and his Asda stores don't even use them 'If they find I shop so much in Sainsbury's - I'm well fu*ked'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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