Written by Specs Haver
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Wednesday, 19 November 2008

image for Strictly crisis - Government acts
I'm not a celebrity - but vote for me anyway

As news broke today of the growing crisis within the Strictly Come Dancing industry, Prime Minister Gordon Brown was forced to make an emergency press statement in an attempt to calm the markets.

People's favourite John Seargant made a shock announcement at 2.30 pm that he was withdrawing from the Saturday evening TV dance competition because he felt he was in danger of winning, revealing that he had really just entered it "for a laugh", and that he was basically crap at dancing.

As the public digested the shock news, the FTSE 100 dropped by 4 %, and many of his fans expressed disappointment and even anger that they no longer had an awkward looking old geezer on the telly who they could identify with.

Outside Number 10, Mr Brown made this statement - "We are naturally disappointed that Mr Seargant has decided to withdraw, and we do understand the terrible effect this is having on our citizens up and down the country. With no minor celebrity remaining in the competition who they've heard of, the Government has decided that we simply cannot stand idly by and watch Strictly crumble - although I must say that Irish bird off the One Show would get a 10 from me.

"Millions of pounds flow through the economy by people phoning in to vote. And if they lose interest in Strictly, they'll start realising what a bloody mess the country is in.

"Thats why we have acted swiftly to support John Seargant, by injecting liquidity into him so that he can continue to take part in the competition.

"Once again, we have shown that we will do whatever it takes to support Britain through these difficult times. So I say to the people of this country - and I say this most sincerely, folks - your vote counts. Vote for John - you know it makes sense."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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