Written by blastersump
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Topics: Paul Gascoigne

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

image for Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner hurt in gym accident
'Five Bellies' on his way to the gym.

Paul Gascoigne's best pal, Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner was today recovering in Newcastle General Hospital after suffering a broken ankle at his local gym.

'Five Bellies' local doctor, Dr Who, who cannot be named for legal reasons, told our reporter "I told the fat basterd, if he doesn't get to the gym and lose some weight they'll be calling him six bellies."

'Five Bellies' gave this account of the accident from his hospital bed;

"I was giving it my best shot, running on the treadmill getting all sweaty and breathless when all of a sudden the bottle of 'Newcastle Brown Ale' I was supping spilt on to the track causing me to slip and fall. I should have listened to my little brother 'Two Bellies' when he told me "divvent gan te the fucking gym" (dont go to the fucking gym) "Gan canny or we'll dunsh summick" (Be carefull or we will crash into something.) and "Eeeh man, ahm gannin te the booza" (OK, I have had enough, I am going to the bar.")

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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