Written by Andley Blakerew
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Topics: british, Blind

Tuesday, 8 June 2004

image for Blunkett's little secret.
Blunkett: here's looking at you

British Home Secretary, David Blunkett, today revealed that he is in fact not blind.
The shock announcement was made in a press conference today, where Blunkett poured out his heart and revealed the truth.


The announcement followed several reports from members of the public claiming that they had seen the supposedly blind minister performing several acts that would require eyesight.

"At first I thought it wasn't him, and that maybe I was about to witness the filming of a satire show or something" explained one bemused onlooker, who saw Blunkett walking unaided, without his dog, along Downing Street. "But when I saw him entering Number 10 without any trouble it had to be him!"
One homeless man remarked that he saw the home secretary reading a copy of popular magazine "Jugs ‘n' Ammo" on a London train, which has not been officially denied by any members of the government.

After Prime Minister's Question Time escalated into accusations against The Home Minister instead of questions for Tony Blair, the government felt it was time to reveal the truth: David Blunkett is not, never has been, and never will be, blind.
"I can assure you my motives were not political, as some have suggested. I did not try to get sympathy votes or anything to that effect," explained the 20/20 vision minister. "I was always very lonely and I saw an advert in a local paper, I remember it like it was yesterday. It said ‘Are you blind? Call this number to receive help' and I thought that perhaps I could make some new friends, plus I'd always really wanted a Labrador" confessed David Blunkett.

The dog in question has now been confiscated and killed to avoid any further issues. After being asked if he thinks he ought to resign, David Blunkett pretended to be deaf by cupping his ear and replying with, "what?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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