Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 15 November 2008

image for Children In Need Hit By Credit Crunch
Gladys gave £500

The BBC Children In Need appeal was, this morning, said by organisers to have significantly suffered from the effects of the worldwide Credit Crunch, and donations were down 18.4% on the 2007 figure.

David Ramsden, of BBC Children In Need told viewers he was "disappointed" in the result but understood the reasons behind their failure to top last year's total. It was, he said:

"Inevitable."

Terry Wogan hosted the show, which featured stars such as Girls Aloud, Will Young, Alesha Dixon, the Sugababes and the casts of EastEnders and Coronation Street, as well as the BBC Newsreaders, who performed their very own rendition of the Abba hit, Money, Money, Money.

The sum total of donations so far, is still a staggering £20,991,216, and that figure should rise over the coming weeks, as Chelsea star Didier Drogba forfeits a month's salary as part of his punishment for throwing a coin at Burnley fans last Wednesday.

The total could pass £100million if all the Premier League footballers gave a donation of a tenth of their monthly salary, or if movie and rock music 'stars' made a donation in keeping with their massive wealth, but this is unlikely to happen on a wide enough scale, and it will be left, once again, to the people who can least afford it, the gullible working classes.

One person who gave all she could, was Gladys Stinkpiss, 73, from Wigan. She said:

"I can't really afford it, what wi' food so expensive, gas and electricity prices an' all that, but they kept tellin' me 'Give all you can!', so I got me money from under mattress and sent it. I've 'ad to turn heating off this mornin'!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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