London - (Rioters): Looking as if someone was standing behind her with a live electric cattle prod linked to the autocue the Puppet Monarch heaped praise today on the feckless Pretender's risible Prince's Truss charity.
"There is no greater pleasure than knowing that Hellfire Club Official Secrets had been entrusted into his care since he became EU head of the Non-Aligned Crack Barons Association.
Then in a highly risque moment of departing from the script Old Fatty Mountbatten added tremulously:
"For Phil the Greek and me there is no pleasure or comfort in knowing this ghastly jumped oik is actually the retard son of UK KGB traitor Guy Burgess and Barbara Cartland's daughter Raine Spencer.
"Things is bound to come out of the woodwork anyway when I croak, which could be any day now after having had my Tarot cards read this morning."
Camilla is being held in a dungeon at the Tower of London.