Written by IainB
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Topics: Unemployment, Jobs

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

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Unemployment in the UK has risen to a ten year high after job centres were forced to cut ten thousand staff.

The cuts came about as the the home secretary, Ms Smith, announced a more streamlined method for using job centres in an effort to get the other 1.6 million people back into work. New systems were introduced in Job Centre Plus centres across the country whereby computerised profiles of applicants are checked against the available jobs, thus replacing the hard working Jobbies with computer terminals.

Though the new terminals do speed up the matching process, and get people into work, the downside was that the Job Centres no longer require staffing, except by the technical and network team of Stan Dup and Neil Downes, who maintain the new machines.

"Now the system's in place," Downes told his mother, "There's very little for us to do. Mainly we go around the job centres replacing the screens that have been broken by people pounding on them. It's not the computer's fault if the job it matches a profile to is chimney sweep or call centre operative."

Khan Twork, a previous employee of Redditch Job Centre said: "I used to take great pride in my work, and now I've been replaced by plastic. What's worse, it reckons my ideal job is a sewerage repair man. I start on Tuesday."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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