An anonymous source, who cannot be named, has revealed to our anonymous contact, who cannot be named, at the Daily Fascist, that good ol' Bazza Scott, the loud, obnoxious spokesperson for potentially environment damaging cleaning agent 'Cilla Bang' is a fundamentalist Islamic terrorist.
Our source said "We received a phone call yesterday saying that Baz was in a Mosque!"
The headline in the paper is set to read "Bang! I'm a dirty little benefit theif mooslim fundamentalist terrorist al quaeda cell starter, twisted firestarter, oh and I once nicked a pick and mix in woolies once...from my gran, who is also my dad."
The Daily Fascist newspaper, which holds a distinct accolade of housing the largest amount of racists and bigots outside of Texas, USA, has been scaremongering with nonsense like this for years.
Further investigation by me revealed that Mr. Scott, a perfectly respectable, if a little shouty, man was actually in 'a mask'. It turned out the source was just a posh lady, and nobody at the Daily Fascist could hear her correctly due to the fact that they are all disturbingly middle class, and thus speak with no accent whatsoever, and refuse to listen to anyone who does not speak like them.
Bazza said, well, shouted, "Hi! I'M BAZZA SCOTT! SEE WHAT I DO TO THIS PENNY! I CILLA BANG IT CLEAN THEN CHUCK IT AT THE WINDOW OF THE DAILY FASCIST BUILDING - AND BANG! THE BASTARDS ARE GONE!"