David Cameron has placed the blame of alcohol fuelled violence squarely at the door of Number 10 Downing Street. With estimates of 80% of violent crime committed by drunks, Cameron has blamed the current Government's policy of 24 hour drinking, and no legislation on the minimum price for alcohol.
"Our very first policy will be to do something about this," Cameron announced on Breakfast With Frost, "We've not had any policies up to now, but we've finally found one."
He went on to explain that if the Conservatives win the General Election next year they will immediately reverse the 24 hour drinking legislation so that pubs can only open between 6pm and 10pm. Supermarkets will no longer be able to offer cheap alcohol, with a minimum price of £3 per pint of beer, and £4 per shot of spirit, and "off-licence" selling may be prohibited completely.
"I'd obviously wait until I'd bought my Christmas booze," Cameron continued, "Otherwise it'd cost me a fortune."
Gordon Brown has cautiously welcomed the new Tory policy. "I think it's great news," said Brown. "Would you vote for somebody who plans to increase the cost of booze?"
Nick Clegg, leader of the Liberal Democrats had this to say: "If the cost of booze had been higher, I'm sure that Charles Kennedy would still be leader, as he wouldn't have been able to afford to be pissed all the time. I'm all for cheap booze. Not that my opinion matters."