As the top economic brains in the country try to put the crippled banking system back together again, the Chancellor has said that they are making good progress, using a state- of-the-art computer software model.
A bewildered Alastair Darling said yesterday - "The software model is really clever. You click an icon, choose a user name … and off you go.
"Basically, we've stripped out all the unsecured credit from the parameters that the software uses - you know, the CDS's, CCJ's, some CJD's, a couple of CBI's, most of the CBeebies, and all CSI's … that sort of thing - to find out just how much real money there is in the financial system that supports Britain's entire economy."
Figures released today reveal that the total actual money in Britain comes to just over £ 79.
The Chancellor added - "It did seem a bit low, so we phoned Number 11's IT Heldpesk. Eventually after a couple of days, a young guy with glasses and a BO problem came round to check it out. After typing some stuff, drinking lots of coffee and making a couple of phone calls, he switched my PC off and back on again. We ran the model again and got the same answer. When we sat down and thought about it though, £79 is probably pretty accurate.
"I think its just brilliant that our companies can report these billions of pounds profit when there's really only £79 knocking about the place. It just shows that my Granny was right all those years ago when she used to say that a little can go a long way."