Written by jeremy griffiths
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Topics: Paris Hilton

Monday, 24 November 2008

image for Paris Hilton - "Bookie" lost in Freak Wave Tragedy
Grieving for "Bookie"

In an all too familiar tragedy, Paris Hilton's small yellow bucket was yesterday claimed by a freak wave at the star's Bognor Regis hideaway.

"Fuck it, not another bucket", fumed Herbert Squish, of the Beach Toy Protection League, "How many times must we tell people to tether their toys, it really pisses me off" he added.

Cynthia and Clarissa, grandparents to Paris who witnessed the tragedy were too distressed to speak to the press. A close friend, Clara (84)who was present at the time said that "Bookie" as he was fondly named had been left unattended for only a couple of seconds, "then he was taken from us" she sniffed, "thank Christ we still have "Spaddles" the spade, or fuck knows where we would be; at least "Spaddles" still has "Frizzy", her Frizby friend for solace".

Traumatised onlookers from the George Brown home for the bemused and bewidered were being offered councelling. As one delightful elderly lady so succintly put it, "God knows, life's a bitch and then you die". Her frail friend nodded in agreement, adding, "Jelly for tea" by way of a lightener to the sombre mood.

Paris, who had cherished "Bookie" and "Spaddles" for over 3 hours was understood to be considering a new bucket, "perhaps in a year or two, when the grieving is over"

In a cruel twist of fate, Paris had just returned from a memorial service for the anniversery of a tragedy last year when her dish ran away with the spoon.

A frantic search by coastguards and Air/Sea rescue sadly failed to find any trace of "Bookie".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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