Written by spot_the_dog
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Topics: Global Warming

Friday, 7 November 2008

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With the excitement of the US election and the credit crunch now occupying all media outlets, many have admitted that they made up global warming.

"Yes we made it all up due to a lack of other news" stated media consultant Headly Line "It was good whilst it lasted, we sold lots more newspapers and many of us made substantial sums of money by investing in alternative energy firms, but now with the irony of an African-American in the White House, people losing their houses - did I mention that house prices have fallen by 800%? - firms going bust and the banks getting bailed out by the taxpayer we have so much more shit to make up that we can't continue this charade" he said smugly.

A quick browse through today's papers and online content proves the heinous conspiracy, no more icebergs have melted and not one freak flood, instead the main story occupying the leaders is what sort of dog the Obama's will get.

"I feel cheated" said Ron Gullible, 42 from Essex. "When I read in the press that the world was on the brink of meltdown and that we were all doomed to roast and our cities would be covered in floods, I rightly panicked and started turning all my appliances off standby, replacing my normal light bulbs with low energy ones and installed a wind farm in my porch… but now I realise that it was all a ruse to sell papers… and wind farms!"

Ann Idiot, 39, from Knightsbridge said "I felt so guilty driving my kids the hundred yards to school in a four wheel drive, I was considering selling the au-pair but now I can't believe it was all a massive fib… so I have told the useless girl to stop recycling and turn on all the lights" adding "Is that OK, doesn't make sound too opinionated does it?" unnecessarily.

"I'm just glad it's all over" stated part time environmentalist 26 year old Grencre Dentials claimed, "I have just finished a degree in financial opportunism so now I can jump on a real lucrative gravy train - did I say that last bit out loud?"

As news of the scale of the lie by the media leaked out from the media, share prices tumbled especially in alternative energy and recycling companies amid speculation of short selling by people in the media, one analyst predicted that by the end of the days trading only intervention from the media could save the world from economic Armageddon. "Unless the BBC and ITV can come up with something better by the midday news, none of us will get our bonuses!" he shrieked.

Breaking news… Obama's choose a Labrdoodle, shares rally.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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