Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 7 November 2008

image for Thousands Flee DR Congo
Let's have a look at those piles, Maud!

Police are investigating several reports that patients at a health centre in Newcastle came under unprovoked attack from the General Practioner there, who threatened them with a machete and chased them into the street.

The physician involved, Dr Congo, was said by patients to be a "dangerous man", and "always on the edge".

The General Medical Council (GMC) say that they do not know how Dr Congo obtained his Practitioners Licence, and are investigating.

One patient, Maud Toonfan, 87, said, after translation:

"I went in to tell the doctor about me recurring piles, buy he just came at me with his machete. Removing them is painful, but not that painful!"

Another, Jackie Savage, 28, told us:

"He looked quite dishy, and I'd heard all those rumours about black men's willies, but when I asked him for a look at his weapon, he picked up a spear and launched it at me! I ask you!"

The GMC have advised anyone travelling to Dr Congo's surgery, not to do so unless it is absolutely necessary.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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